and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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