Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
