He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
