Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
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