Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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