you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
