i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
