I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
