32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
