these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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