Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
