i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
