This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
