marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
