it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
