idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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