My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
