I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
