Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
