3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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