just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We are all done wearing pants today
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
