Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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