you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
