Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
