ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
