i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
