Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
