finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
whose parrot is this?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
