She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
