Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
