dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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