My balls are so social today.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
