How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
is that a dick in a sweater?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
