i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
