John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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