JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
