the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
