Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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