I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
