I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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