Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
