Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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