Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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