Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
