i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
