My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
