he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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