I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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