Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
