I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
