your thong is hanging out like whoa
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
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