she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
