that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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