I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
